it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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