Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize