we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
