If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
