Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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