Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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