Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
