Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
