i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
