Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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