pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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