A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
