her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
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