Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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