so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
