i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
