Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize