We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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