so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize