Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
