things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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