I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
