my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
