hell yes lets make some ravioli
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
