tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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