I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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