Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
