There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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