I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need to calm my uterus...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
