Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize