if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
