I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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