You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
