He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it glows. i had to have it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize