If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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