$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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