one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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