After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize