while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
