I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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