I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
