i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize