I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
