a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
