saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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