Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Shitshow foam night was such a success
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
