he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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