Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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