I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
