I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
