After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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