So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
