her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
