Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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