His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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