Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
