I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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