I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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