Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
