I think my fart just growled at me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
