I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
