She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got chris browned last night
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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