Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
