Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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