the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
