Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
