I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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