Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize