If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
