This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
