that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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