im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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