Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
