Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
