I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
