i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Your cock deserves a montage
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
