super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
